Quotes, Aphorisms, Laws, and Thoughts

Men & Women

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
Anonymous

A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.
Gloria Steinem (1934- )

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner (1921-1995)

A woman is a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

Belladonna: In Italian, a beautiful lady; in English, a deadly poison. A striking example of the identity of the two tongues.
Anonymous

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
Samuel Butler (1835-1902)

Certain women should be struck regularly, like gongs.
Noël Coward (1899-1973)

Feminist Astronautics 101: If they can put one man on the moon, why can't they put them all?
Anonymous

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Anonymous

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
Mae West (1892-1980)

Husbands are like fires. They go out if left unattended.
Zsa Zsa Gabor (1917- )

I like men to behave like men: strong and childish.
Françoise Sagan (1935-2004)

I married beneath me. All women do.
Nancy Astor (1879-1964)

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
Zsa Zsa Gabor (1917- )

I only like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.
Mae West (1892-1980)

I'm not denying that women are foolish; God Almighty made them to match the men.
George Eliot (1819-1880)

If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle.
Rita Mae Brown (1944- )

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)

Intuition: that strange instinct that tells a woman she is right, whether she is or not.
Anonymous

It's women like you who make men like me make women like you make men like me.
Bobby Clarke (1949- )

Man has his will, but woman has her way.
Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. (1809-1894)

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
Jim Backus (1913-1989)

Men always want to be a woman's first love, women like to be a man's last romance.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

Men are like linoleum. If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for 20 years.
Anonymous

Most women are not so young as they are painted.
Max Beerbohm (1872-1956)

No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Henry Kissinger (1923- )

One is not born a woman, one becomes one.
Simone de Beauvoir (1908-1986)

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to.
Gypsy Rose Lee (1914-1970)

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Anonymous

The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.
Anonymous

When Adam delved and Eve span,
Who then was the gentleman?
John Ball (1338-1381)

When subjected to extreme feminine heat and pressure, male hydrocarbons will often produce a diamond.
Anonymous

When women go wrong, men go right after them.
Mae West (1892-1980)

Woman would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

Women like silent men. They think they're listening.
Marcel Achard (1899-1974)

Women were born without a sense of humour, so they could love men and not laugh at them.
Anonymous

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Timothy Leary (1920-1996)