“My philosophy
like colour TV
is all there
in black and white”
Monty Python
Management
A camel is a horse designed by a committee.
Anonymous A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to guarantee the flow of paper.
Anonymous A man with a briefcase can steal more money than any man with a gun.
Anonymous Amand's Law of Management: Everyone is always someplace else.
Anonymous Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.
Anonymous Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses.
Anonymous Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything.
Anonymous At some time in the life cycle of every organisation, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
Anonymous Committee: a group of the unfit appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back to them.
Anonymous Dates in the calendar are closer than they appear.
Anonymous Delay is the deadliest form of denial.
Anonymous Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter’s Law into account.
Douglas Hofstadter (1945- ) If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
Anonymous If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges.
Anonymous Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading it.
Anonymous In any organisation there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
Anonymous Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Anonymous Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Anonymous Management expands to meet the needs of management.
Anonymous Never answer a letter until you get a second one on the same subject from the same person.
Anonymous Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
Anonymous Putt's Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.
Archibald Putt Rule of Defactualization: Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Anonymous Seminars: from “semi” and “arse”, hence, any half-assed discussion.
Anonymous Tactics is knowing what to do when there is something to do; strategy is knowing what to do when there is nothing to do.
Ksawery Tartakower (1887-1956) The big-type giveth, and the small-type taketh away.
Anonymous The first myth of management is that it exists.
Anonymous The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.
Anonymous The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.
Anonymous The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
Anonymous The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.
Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915) There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
Anonymous Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
Anonymous
