“My philosophy
like colour TV
is all there
in black and white”
Monty Python
Laws & Rules
(Anything in parenthesis can be ignored.)
Anonymous 1. Always hire a rich attorney.
2. Never buy from a rich salesman.
Anonymous 1. An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction.
2. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
David Gerrold (1944- ) After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
Anonymous All generalisations are false, including this one.
Anonymous Amand's Law of Management: Everyone is always someplace else.
Anonymous Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything.
Anonymous Boob's Law: You always find something in the last place you look.
Anonymous Cahn's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
Anonymous Canada Bill Jones' Motto: It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Supplement: A .44 Magnum beats four aces.
Anonymous Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Anonymous Even God cannot change the past.
μόνου γὰρ αὐτοῦ καὶ θεὸς στερίσκεται,
ἀγένητα ποιεῖν ἅσσ᾽ ἂν ᾖ πεπραγμένα.
Agathon (448 BCE-400 BCE) First Law of Bicycling: No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
Anonymous Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter’s Law into account.
Douglas Hofstadter (1945- ) If you are already in a hole, stop digging.
Anonymous If you don't care where you are, you aren't lost.
Anonymous If you hit two keys on the keyboard, the one you don't want is the one that is recorded.
Anonymous If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
Anonymous If you want to drown yourself, make sure the water is deep enough.
Anonymous Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.
Anonymous It is said that nothing is impossible; but there are lots of people doing nothing every day.
Theodor Rosyfelt Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.
Anonymous Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Anonymous Mechanic's First Law: When in doubt, give it a clout.
Anonymous Murphy's Law is recursive: washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
Anonymous Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.
Anonymous Never play cards with a man called Doc.
Never eat at a place called Mom's.
Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.
Nelson Algren (1909-1981) Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Anonymous Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
Anonymous Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Anonymous Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
Anonymous Nothing looks as good close up as it does from far away.
Anonymous Osborn's Law: Constants aren't; variables won't.
Anonymous Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
Anonymous People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Anonymous Segal's Law: A man with a watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never sure.
Anonymous The average person thinks he isn't.
Anonymous The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Anonymous The Journalistic Principle (sometimes called Betteridge's Law, Hinchliffe's Rule, or Davis's Law): Any headline that ends in a question mark can be answered by the word
no.
Anonymous The solution to the problem changes the problem.
Anonymous The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Anonymous The Universal Iceberg Theorem: Eight ninths of everything is hidden.
Anonymous The Universal Library Theorem: There are no answers, only cross references.
Anonymous There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes, and those who do not.
Robert Benchley (1889-1945) Two rules you must always remember: 1; Never give out all the information.
Anonymous Velilind's Laws of Experimentation:
1. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once.
2. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
Anonymous When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
Anonymous When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
Anonymous
